What is my Price Tag?

The other day i was pondering on many things. Looking at clothes, shoes, friends... many things. We ladies are soo often proud and attached to our 'gadgets' - the dresses and shoes and jewellery and all those nice small things we ladies cling our heart to. But i realise that all these dont give us a price tag. The world will define our price tag from what they see on the outside. But God will attach a price tag from what lies within us.... Lady, what is your price tag? Just watch who your price tag with attract.

I cant wait to finish this up at the Yakuti Conference..... my spirit is bubbling with alot fo preach (If thats English-LOL)

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45

On Dwelling...

I have been thinking about what a constant God we serve, and I realized that The King's Princess' post actually relates to my thoughts this week. God is always there for us; likewise, if we are serious about our relationship, we should be there for Him, not because He needs us, but because we need Him, and because His love for us is unfailing and eternal. We can draw near with our lips, but what causes us to dwell or drift away is the state of our hearts.

"...this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men..." Isaiah 29:13...

Dwelling Vs Occasional visits

Surely the lord has been teaching me alot in the past few days. I must add that i am more than delighted that this year is coming to a close in just a few days. But what has been lingering my mind and has stuck there is about dwelling in the secret place of the most high.

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. (Psalm 91:1-4)

I must confess that if you begin a certain routine of prayer in your life, it later becomes a cycle that if you break , your life starts to feel abnormal. I just learnt that God is not so pleased with our occasional visits at his throne. You know those panicky occasional visits where we approach him with urgent prayer lines and we expect him to run over himself because we showed up?! No! He is more interested in the dwelling, constant, passionate visit.

But i would like to argue that an occasional visit that has purpose, meaning and is passionate is more worthwhile than a constant visit that is done just to fulfill a promise. Yeah, that can be disturbing. The fact that your friend who prays or attends church two times a year has had all her prayers answered those few times she made herself available to God.

God is looking for those who will dwell and abide in Him, and not just visit a time or two when it is convenient. Residing there requires much more than most people are willing to give.

I have just been reminded of something: God never flunks anyone out of a trial. You will go through it again and again until you get it. And when you do, He will not hide this fact from you. "They overcame him by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony." Rev 12:11

My blood will not splash on you 1

I decided to post this here as well...

Every time I think about disciplining children, I remember an aunt of mine who, one morning, when she was about to beat up my cousin with a rather thorny, branchy stick, told my sisters and me to leave the room because blood would splash on us. I witnessed so many such discipline moments. A visitor would say something that a cousin had told him, and as soon as he left, my aunt would beat up that cousin. I saw many people beat up their children and the whole time, we were told it was good to be beaten and these things were endorsed by God Himself in the Bible. I accepted that as gospel truth. After all, if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. Right? Might as well use the rod every single opportunity you can get.

My parents are pretty strict but they didn't believe in beating us randomly. I probably got less than ten beatings my whole life. They preferred to talk to us about things and for the most part, we were pretty obedient.

Somewhere in mid-primary school, I transferred to a place where beatings were the order of the day. Pipes, more thorny branches, pieces of wood, whatever it was, we were beaten with it and for whatever reason the teachers deemed appropriate. Staffroom discussions were tailored around that stubborn child who thought he was all that because his parents were politicians. Aunts would have lunches talking about their children, sometimes even in our hearing in family gatherings we would learn what a good girl Mary was and what a bad boy John was. Only those children who were number one in school and in the neighbourhood qualified as "good" (but who is ever number one all the time?). Everyone else was a bad child and warranted discipline. After these meetings, teachers would tell us, "We should win the cleanliness prize this term - why should Std 3Yellow outdo us?" and parents would say, while beating their sons, "Why can't you be like Tom?"

Discipline in my mind was something bad, done in anger for the simplest things. It was only supposed to be enforced by people who had earned the right to do so... or people in bad moods who had fought with their husbands and wanted to take out their anger on those under them. Thinking about chastisement from God with that backdrop really made me dread discipline and reproof from Him. I'd picture something like this: me, banished from His presence, eating from a pigsty somewhere in the belly of a huge whale, with thunderings and lightnings terrifying whatever daylights remained in me. Every single time something in my life went wrong, I saw it as discipline. Every incident that hurt me seemed to be God just giving me a beating because I had annoyed Him by making the slightest mistake. Until very recently, to me God was just someone just waiting for me to mess up so He could rain a double portion of the afflictions of Egypt on me.

I never thought of God as pleased with me. I didn't know what I had to do to get Him to smile. I felt like I was constantly under some pressurizing surveillance and was walking on eggshells. Like my mistakes were laid bare for everyone with a spiritual gift. In my mind, He discussed me with His children much like parents discussed their children with each other at family gatherings.

And then, one day, I read a little about how parents should discipline their children. I began to understand the importance of not doing it in anger. Thinking about that and turning it around in my mind made me understand God's discipline better. Chastisement and punishment are two different things. I've been spared from punishment by Jesus' death and resurrection for my sake. But I need chastisement to keep me in line. I am not chastised when God is “in a bad mood,” because He never is, or when someone tells Him I said something bad about Him. He does not beat me with a log for the smallest mistake. I am chastised lovingly, calmly, and when I seek Him, He shows me why He is doing it and how He wants to change me. I am chastised for things about which I should have known better. Things about which He has told me. He doesn't have to ask anybody to leave the room... in fact, many times He will allow them to get a glimpse of my chastisement and glorify His Name. My blood won't splash on anyone because His has already spilled for me. And His discipline is effective. It is painful enough to get my attention but not so exaggerated that it kills my spirit. While it is ongoing I might wonder if He truly loves me but the end result is not bitterness from a child who feels unloved or resentment from a daughter who feels like she is being compared to others when she wants to live out her uniqueness. The end result is love and thanksgiving that are birthed from a recognition that this has truly been done for my good.

*The end result sometimes takes a looooong while to materialize, but it's worth it.

Remnants

I haven't written anything serious in a long while so here goes...

I have been studying on remnants in the Bible. A remnant is a survivor, has been left over. What should have killed you didn't, you survived what killed others and that qualifies you for a remnant. You see, when man is finished with you God has just begun. It is a shrinking process and a sieving process BUT when God comes in, there is not turning back. What looks like a mess will soon change, God is going to Rebuild, Restore and Repair. He is bringing back His glory. God is going to blow minds- He will push the rules of religion. Just watch and see.

God tends to deal with our humanity first before He can handle the spirituality. So everything around you may seem wrong but remember, He is dealing with the humanity. When you figure out who you are, you will stop compromising. I remember a time I told God, I don't want to be your chosen one, I just want to be like everybody else...they seem to have less problems and their life seems smoother. But I was blind to who I am and where I am heading. May the Lord open your eyes to who you are and who you could be coz then the cost will be more bearable but remember there is a cost for the glory the Lord will bestow upon you and thus the remnants.

You cant cause someone else to be remnants in their own situation unless you are a remnant yourself, unless you have been through something that only God could have gotten you out of, Unless you have been somewhere you cant go anywhere else and in God's kingdom the blind will not lead the blind. You cant stand unless you had fallen and the word for this season is that there is a rising for the remnants of God. He is calling you to Arise and shine, take your place again. DO not be afraid.

Isaiah 60:1 Arise, Shine, For your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.
Vs 2 ...But the glory of the Lord will arise over you and His glory will be seen upon you.
Vs3 The Gentiles shall come to your light and Kings to the brightness of your rising

Eph5:14 Awake you who sleep, Arise from the dead and Christ will give you Light

Let us get up, Isaiah 52:1-2 says Awake, Awake! put on your strength O Zion, put on your beautiful garments...

The glory of the Lord will be seen upon you from the ends of the earth and people will know that the Lord is with you and has been good to you. The time is coming when you shall walk in His favor. But Arise and get ready, clean the dust from your clothes and Arise for it comes quickly. What the Lord is about to do in you no eye has seen and no ear has heard but be ready and expectant. It is big and sudden and your wait is over.

Just want to praise

So, the account I usually use to post on here was hacked and/or deleted... 

BUT...

I need to praise and I can't be bothered inviting myself back and trying to sign in and all that.

God is wonderful and always on time... and He can and WILL furnish a table in your wilderness so hang in there and keep your eye on the prize. His plans are wonderful and if we will just wait a little while, everything will have no choice but to work out because God is in control. It's a privilege to be His child, it's an honor to be included in His great plan and it's a blessing to see the beauty of His promises unfold, bit by bit...

Much love

*"Praise"*

I miss her

I have this friend of mine on my mind...she is keeping me busy. She makes my problems seem like nothing. But doesnt that just happen to us all the time. I want to figure it out for her, I want the Lord to let me in on what it is He is doing so that I know what to tell her but...silence.

So I am silently thinking about her and missing her all at the same time. I am praying and waiting and knowing time will create something special...But now I wait and pray and think and miss!!!

God help us

I just saw this in the papers. I only read the headline and looked at the picture. Honestly what is this???

"Man Weds Four Brides on the Same Day."

This just a few hours after I found out a friend of mine lost her aunt to domestic violence. The woman was stabbed to death by her husband before he flew to another city with their children.

God help us...! When I look at photos like the one above, I wonder, why does it seem like so many people want to become proverbs? And why is it so offensive when someone asks us all to wake up??

my future is sorted out. God knows the plans He has for me. plans that won't harm me. all i have to do is align myself to the thoughts and will of God. i have to sit at the feet of Jesus. i have to know Jesus more and obey Him. i suppose it is quite hard to develop a consistency in this discipline; you know, giving more time and attention to my devotional hours, praying at all times, receiving God's love, trusting Him at all times even in difficult situations, and all that. but i suppose it's worth it. when i think of reaching the promised land, walking in the life i dream of ; it is worth it to delight in the Lord. and besides, i didn't even deserve it if it wasn't for what Christ did on the Cross. who am i not to receive this free gift of such a great life just because i'm comfortable in my comfort zone?

my future is secure in God's hands. He is handing it out it to me. freely. even when i didn't deserve it except through Christ. i will get out of my comfort zone. i will do whatever it takes to receive every gift and blessing that God is giving me.

I'm going on a safari!
I've done a lot of posting here anyway.
God keep you all and by His grace I'll catch you all when I get back.

Whispers with the almighty

She did not deserve it that way
She had it all going
The prophesies spoke it all
Her prayers spit out fire
She had the beauty, she was anointed
But why, Lord did you let her

She's safe with me, no more pain
Its this time , only this time
That you will prove my word, my ways
I'm no similar everyday


Written in memory of a close friend that went to be with the Lord a few days ago. She died at a tender age of 27 and left behind a beautiful daughter, Abigail, who calls me beautiful auntie. Even a few days before she died, a Pastor prophesied upon her life that she is going to preach the gospel. But she never saw it come to pass. Irene, i know you are in paradise like Jesus promised you one week before your death ''Irene, am taking you to paradise''. Rejoice in paradise!

Class

What does it mean to be classy?
Are classy women born or made?
Is class something Christian women should have? Does it come as we walk in God or can we take lessons or...???
And is it something we should pursue?
Thoughts, anyone?

Just Outlast It

Even on his bed he plots evil; he commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong. - Psalm 36:4 NIV.

I was overthinking last night so, like I do a few times every day, I logged on to Uganda's Independent newspaper website. At first, I thought... why is it so purple??? And then I read on... and decided to hit PrtSc so I could share it with a friend. I almost called the paper to ask if they knew they had been hacked because it was only about 7am Uganda time and when I visited the site the day before, everything seemed alright. However, it wouldn't have been appropriate to call the only contact I have. It's a Sunday so people were probably thinking of church.



I know what it can be like to have to secure a website and restore months of information. I remember praying they had backed up their stuff securely. The purple is not there anymore; the page now says Forbidden, but hopefully with teamwork and prayer everything will be back to normal in a short while.

Who would take the time to hack a website unless they were threatened or offended by it? There has to be something the Independent is doing right, and I don't think I'm just a biased Mwenda fan. Whatever the case may be, hacking was not the right thing to do.

Maybe it's the same with our struggles. Nobody wastes time on things that are worth it. Generally speaking, if it blesses you, you try to get more of it and if it offends you, you try to rid yourself (or the world) of it. If someone is trying to get rid of you then it means they find you offensive. It could be that in asking yourself WHY this is so, you will find the strength to pick up and keep going.

As I went to sleep, God reminded me that evildoers never last. Evil is like a random fly, buzzing around you as you work. If you leave your work to attend to it, you'll waste time and not get anything done. If you stick to what you're doing, the fly will eventually do what flies do: FLY away... and if it doesn't, what's its lifespan compared to yours?

Evil is one thing we are guaranteed will come to an end. We shouldn't let it defeat us. There are times when we need to fight, but many times, all we have to do is simply outlast the evil and let it wear itself out.

Woe to them that devise iniquity, and work evil upon their beds! when the morning is light, they practise it, because it is in the power of their hand. And they covet fields, and take them by violence; and houses, and take them away: so they oppress a man and his house, even a man and his heritage... Micah 2:1-2

Oh Uganda,

May God uphold thee,

We lay our future in thy hands.

United free,

For liberty,

Together we'll always stand.

If only we could live out that first stanza of our national anthem!

It's a beautiful morning. I lost all my work when someone tried to hack into my computer/server a few minutes ago. I have no idea where I'll start or what I'll do but when you hit God-is-in-control mode, some things don't really matter.

I'm getting mixed stories about Uganda. Hopefully everything is alright - I can feel God-is-in-control mode kicking in there too.

This week I want to know: what can I do for you? A friend of mine shared with me just how tired she is of being used, and we thought about it and figured if you're busy loving, you won't have time to notice who uses you or doesn't love you back. Enough with consciously or subconsciously making connections just for my benefit. Now I don't want to know what he/she can do or has done for me. For every person I encounter, in every aspect of my life, I want to wonder what I can do for them, give to them, how I can help them... and I want to act on it. I pray that the Lord will use us all in the lives of others and teach us that it's not about gaining, but about serving.

House Arrest

With everything going on in my beautiful country, this I did not see coming! I was on my way to town and I got a phonecall telling me not to go into town. Riots gone bad and turned violent. And I freaked out!!!

So now most Ugandans are on house arrest for God knows how long! I wish I could understand how we get ourselves in such messes but here we are and the only one person we can look to for safety and help is the Lord.

So......

Lord I pray that you will protect you country an dyour people, birth in us hearts of compassion and peace and love, let us be united for there in lies our strength. Break all barriers of tribalism and pride and anger...free us form ourselves. Have mercy on us oh Lord. You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell. The arrogant cannot stand in your persence; you hate all who do wrong. But by your great mercy we come to you Oh Lord, pleading for our land and for it's people, it's children and it's future. We take refuge in you, our hiding place.

We palce our leaders in to your hands and all the decision makers...that You will have your way in their decisions. Arise oh Lord, Awake and take your place, in Jesus' name I pray, AMEN

I must be the most unserious omumbejja. Am i the last to do a post? And this may look like a most unserious question, but I still would like know; is it possible for the house to have scheduled times for getting messy, so that we can have fixed, scheduled times for cleaning it? My sisters tried to invent such a schedule at home. It's hard to tell if the problem is a probable inadequacy to be efficient housekeepers, or the fact that there always 7 to 15 people living in the home at any time. Why is this important? Well, because some do want to get married, and no woman wants to get married with even the slightest fear that they might be, well, inadequate; right? Does an occasional, inevitable, messy household render you inadequate?

Too few letters

But I am poor and needy, yet the LORD thinketh upon me… (Psalm 40:17a).

It’s always a blessing to me when someone randomly sends me a text to say, “I’m thinking about you, just prayed for you!” I don’t know about you reading this but I usually picture the person sending the text and if it’s a friend I’ll think, this woman is supposed to be getting ready for an exam, how touching that she has set time aside to pray for me!

It’s even more amazing to me that I am always on God’s mind. Can you imagine how many things God thinks about, how many billions of people He has on His mind? Not just today, now, but also in the future – those who have not yet been born, but who He already knows before they are in their mothers' wombs. Those saints of His who are now in His presence. Those of us who look around and wonder what plans He possibly could have for us. Totally amazing, and yet He thinks of each one of us as though we were the only, only one on His mind. I’m imagining the miracles He organizes – person A will be at point B at time C, person D will leave destination E to get person F so they can leave location G for their meeting with person A at time H, event I will be happening to person A, but as soon as persons B and C arrive, event J will interrupt event I… and because of this, prayer K will bless person L across the world at time M… lol, I will soon mix myself up and run out of letters (evidence that a human being definitely can't orchestrate a miracle!)… but God is glorified in it all!

I can go on and on about this! Things like Nicodemus going to Jesus at night, the woman touching the hem of His garment, Lazarus dying while Jesus was away, Martha getting irritated that Mary and the Lord just “told stories” while she worked… I will never forget the snowstorm that interrupted my surgery… to many people it was just another day when they couldn’t go to work, but the night before, my sister and I prayed, and I was thinking, “God, are You really going to let them slit my neck?” And it snowed!!! I woke up that day and it was all white outside. All over New York and the East Coast! People remember that snowstorm to this day and they look at me and want to roll their eyes, thinking, “yeah, right” when I tell them I think it was for me. :) And honestly, sometimes my mind thinks, “yeah, right,” too, but then I remember the prayers and the peace and the miracle. My very own Valentine ’s Day gift.

One day I thought about how God’s eyes are constantly, unblinkingly on me, 24/7/365, and it really kind of spooked me! ALLLL the time, God is watching me! But this should be more of a comfort than a source of fear. In my afflictions, He is afflicted, in my joys, He rejoices, ahh… so amazing… Tonight, God is saying to me (and to you!), “I’m thinking about you.”

Time of healing....

I typed this sometime back, about a month ago to be exact and I posted it on my blog which happens to be private. I typed it while crying, I felt alone, abandoned, deserted and all the emotions that come along. Some of the things do not connect but yes, that is how I was feeling. I hope this will start my healing and restoration process. The Lord spoke to me last night saying "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, The cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, My great army which i sent among you" Joel 2:25. Come to think about it, I hate caterpillars; when I was a little girl, whenever I saw one that would spoil everything for me, my sleep, food etc. Let me share..

"I’m here wondering if like David, I should write down what I’m feeling right now(although I know its unexplainable), that it could bless someone in the times to come like the Psalms encourage many( A friend of mine who had gone through afflictions from a totally different angle, once told me that those things have now become her ministry). “My tears have been my meat day and night, While they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?……I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? Ps 42:3,9
I used to sing that Sunday school song “##…with Jesus in my boat(or heart I’ve forgotten) I can smile at the storms…..when I’m sailing home…” The storms have hit me from all sides of my life and all I can say is ‘ if Jesus is surely on my boat, then He must be fast asleep’ (Mark 4:38) because I feel like I’m drowning. But Lord You neither sleep nor slumber(Ps 121:4b). You promised You will never leave me nor forsake me. Lord where are You? I’m drowning, the waves are sweeping me over. You promised that You will not let me be tempted above what I’m able to handle (1 Cor 10:13), Lord has my faith gone down? I feel my knees are giving in. Lord where are You? I’m wondering how long did Job suffer for God to restore all that had been taken away from him? I have asked so many questions, I have cried, felt all the emotions that there are, hurt, rejection, failure, disappointment, anger etc
My heat is sinking, I feel like I’m suffocating, where is my God? When I call do You answer?, for You have promised that if we call upon You, You will answer (Jer 29:12; 33:3). Father do not let the enemy rejoice at my downfall, do not let the enemy rejoice. Hear my cry Lord unto You, I have trusted You do not let me put to shame. Lord if this is nightmare may I wake up from the sleep.
Lord hear my desperate cry, my humble cry, deliver me from the pit of the enemy.
As I was walking around town today I felt you speaking to my heart but right now I can't see any manifestation of the things you were laying on my heart. Or I cant hear you anymore, Father increase my faith to believe and trust in all Your promises to me."

I'm hopeful, I'm trusting and I'm going back to the place where its all about Him.

Will you join me?

What does God want from me?

Oh, la la.

Why am I even surprised? For someone like me who often defines terms using their opposites, this should have been everything but unexpected. I knew August was going to change some things and in a sense be a new beginning. Yes, my 1000th one, you must be thinking! But no, I think it’s my first God-initiated new beginning in a long time. The previous ones were just me being me. A new beginning is synonymous with an old ending and I thought the month was going to end uneventfully, only for its final week to turn out to be an orchestra of a katembalistic something. I’ve found myself helplessly watching as God takes everything I thought I had control over. I feel like He’s slapped me with responsibilities that I can’t handle but need to be taken care of. I need to get some stuff done but I feel like He's giving me no help. And then there's that word... WAIT.

I’m at a weird crossroads where I’m totally at peace but at the same time my heart is crying out, “Lord, what do You want from me, really?” Something like knowing God is in control but at the same time just this unrest that comes from feeling like I should be doing more. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped what I’m doing and said, “I mean, really, Daddy. Seriously. What?” It’s something like a mixture of an exasperated question (I tried it my way and You’ve shown me it won't work) and an Acts 9 experience (Okay, so I can see kicking against the goads is sooo not the business!).

Part of my personality is I have the ability to take initiative (why do I feel like there should be a “the” in there). So far, it has kind of caused me a lot of problems. I have taken the initiative to be friends with the wrong people and even gone on to take the initiative to pursue them when God removes them from my life. Looking back, I can see now that many of the things I have struggled with have been my own doing; started by me with nothing more than an attraction to what obviously was not good for me and a gut feeling that I personally created to assure myself that it would all work out.

Well, I need to work this stuff out. Right now, my mind is going, “I am too cute for this mess.” And no, that’s not a proud statement! I just think Jesus paid too much for me to struggle with some things. The cross took care of some of these things, honestly.

Oh, I don’t know.

Do you?

intro

wow lots of deepness going on up in here, i almost feel like i am here to learn and not to share but it would be so unfair for me to read about you all and not give a few of my experiences.

so we're quite the bunch, huh! i think on my own i have had enough experiences to cover for everyone - this year was so crazy, i separated from my husband for six months and in those six months discovered what fake friends i have! my goodness, its amazing the rejection you can suffer from those who are supposed to be your sisters in the faith. but am learning! i have learnt today that nobody can reject me if i dont first reject myself, you see if the orange in the post below does not know how sweet it is, it will forever resent the banana and the person who "rejected" it!

okay so this is just an introductory post, the stories could go on and on forever, but i cant give them all in one doze so i will keep it short and sweet for now and just announce to everyone, am a late comer but am heeeere! and no am not here to be celebrated, am not trying to show that "i have arrived", i mean AM HERE as in despite everything, AM STILL LIVING!

God is wonderful and he's been good to me!!!! amen!!

nice to meet all the wonderful bambejja and readers and future readers of this blog and always honoured to be a part!

paprika

Not easily derailed

No-one can derail any of us from the path that the sovereign God has laid out for us. He always gets His will done, using the very people who think they can toy with our lives. See how God used Joseph's brothers, as well as the plotting of the Jews to kill Jesus. Had they known...... Our obligation is to obey what He has commanded; He always keeps His own end of the deal. That, my sister, is a very comforting truth.

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an episode of…

I’m kidding, but not really. While I don’t mean to rain on the interesting and moving prison story that began in the post below mine, I’ve got some thoughts that I need to type out while I can still be coherent.

“Using the very people who think they can toy with our lives.” That line, taken from an excerpt of a facebook status discussion, is deep and comforting to me on so many levels and I didn't really even notice it until just now. I’ve been thinking about insecurity, anger, jealousy, and the way people act like they do, and I have decided that one thing that explains a lot of actions is the desire for control, which can also be read as the fear of losing control.

I wanted to share a true story that I have told many times since it happened a few months ago but after I typed and read through it I was convicted by the fact that it would not be a very loving act, even if I have forgiven the person and even if she never reads it and even if she does read it and nobody but she and I get to know who she is.

Insecurity and manipulation are all born out of a desire to control other people in order for things to go our way. Babies learn early that if they cry, they will get milk. Some people take this on way into adulthood, which results in girls/women crying at every provocation to get what they want from their parents, friends, boyfriends, husbands, and then children. Men will sometimes shout, because their deep voices are intimidating and therefore get them what they want, too. Some men will call their exes just to massage their egos – “She talks to me, therefore I must be quite something.” He may be over the relationship, but while he waits on the next girl, he still wants that kick of knowing he is the don and still has a place and position (read: some level of control) in some woman’s heart. At the end of the day, all this is manipulation. People who harass and manipulate others are afraid of losing control and constantly want things to go their way because on some level they feel like it’s all about them.

We are all innately selfish, and by innate I mean it’s our fleshly/Adamic nature and remains in us hopefully subdued/controlled by the Holy Spirit for as long as we are in this realm. I always watch older siblings if I am present when Mummy comes home from the hospital with an intruder. They can get so jealous, I have seen some attempt to carry their younger siblings away from Mummy’s lap and sit there themselves. It’s understandable because they are suddenly jolted out of their comfort zone, now they have to share and be considerate and most importantly, their parents’ love is not theirs and theirs alone.

But we need to learn that life is not about just us. Hopefully by the time we approach adulthood, we realize that this is a planet with 6billion-plus people and limited resources that have to be shared out, and that rarely are these resources ever shared out fairly. When we understand our Source, we will know that no human being can affect our destiny. Why should I make it my life’s goal to ruin yours? If I know my God, I will depend on Him for completion and for my identity. When He renews my mind, I will understand that what people bring into my life does not make me who I am; it is simply additional to what I already have. Sure, it is a blessing, and even more so if it lasts. But if they take it (or themselves) away, then they have not made me any less of a person than I have been and will be! Because I am a child of God, if a person begins to become a god to me, the real God will take him or her away – in a way that will make me remember that truly, the Lord is God, and He loves me jealously.

Back to the baby thing. I cannot control another person. You can beat or shout a child into submission but for an adult, you never know; some people have made that mistake only to be responded to by a gun in the face. Some people want to control others because they have been rejected before but the truth is it might not even have been rejection, it could simply be that the person made a different choice. Why should an orange go and kill itself because I say I prefer bananas? The orange is not worse, nor is the banana better; I just have a different preference!

Variety is the spice of life and we were not all created the same so if we would learn to appreciate our differences, understand our callings and truly, truly get to know the inability of a person to ruin another’s destiny, then wow… I think we would make so much progress as women, as Africans, as the church… as children of God.

"And such as do wickedly against the covenant shall he corrupt by flatteries: but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits." - Daniel 11:32.

The Prison Cell Experience! (Part One)

20th February 2009 was a Friday. And i spent the night in a prison cell. I recount the moments freshly. I had never dreamt of sleeping in a prison cell. But the journeys of our lives can never be planned by any one except God. At some point i felt the Lord had betrayed me, he had put me to shame or has left me. And i can speak boldly that it taught me the importance of forgiveness because not for any thing can i let someone sleep in a prison cell.

A voice came in harshly. ''Officer, detain her! Take her statement and we are detaining her.'' Said the Assistant OC of Police. I had never heard about such words, but what i knew was that i was going to sleep in prison. I couldn't cry! My Mind was blank! The tears were with pain! Up to now, i tell people i can never explain the experience. The officer tried to drag on with time so that by the time i get into the cell, the male inmates would be asleep and so would not touch me and grab me or even sexually harass me. Yes, as you make your way to the women's prison cell, you pass through the male inmates cell. The atmosphere in the prison is like that of a boarding school but with denied priviledges of a bed, freedom, fresh air and the required number of meals a day.

I joined my fellow female inmates. We were three in the cell. Since the female inmates are clean, there is no bad stench from our side. Its just a big metallic gate that seperates the male and female inmates. ''Ngo olabye nebizibu bye kkomera,'' one of the elder inmates said to me. She quickly found me a mat and blanket all which had a slight urine stench. They also improvised for me a pillow which was folds of another blanket. I couldn't even rest my head on them. My fellow inmates seemed comfortable with the prison life. I sat and all i could do is stare blankly in the air. I didnot know what to think, i didnot know what to say to God. My mind was blank.

My heart wanted to hate everyone involved, but i couldn't. Instead i felt soo much love in my heart. I felt a sense of peace and a voice tell me everything is going to be okay. But my human flesh would not feel all this. Again i must say, my mind was blank. I rested my head on the improvised pillow, pulled my body together and tried to get some sleep.

To be continued......

Hmm!

You’d think by now I’d be immune to bad news, but I still hate it when I’ve been hoping for something and it doesn’t work out… It’s such a bummer! I’ve prayed, and thought that this is what was going to happen, but because it hasn’t gone as expected, I now have to go back to the drawing-board and ask, is the answer coming in a different way from what I expected, or is the answer no?

Anyway, in an unrelated bulletin… it’s such a blessing to be loved by someone who knows you inside out. Jesus has done that for me, but it was really healing for me to hear someone say a while back… “I have seen you on your good days and on your not-so-good days. I have watched you grow; I have seen you struggle to stay afloat – I STILL LOVE YOU. You have the ability to bless and irritate me with the same intensity, but I have counted the cost of loving you and am ready to face whatever it takes. I’m not going anywhere. I have no problem with you healing, but at least let me into that wall you’ve built around yourself – with no pressure, just as your friend.”

One of the many tongue-tying moments I have had this year. I don't know why I remembered it today.

WAIT!

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried,
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait! " my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and I am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to "WAIT"?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master said once again, "Child, you must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want - But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save... (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, "WAIT."

It's raining!!!!

There is a heavy down pour outside and I wish I could go out and play in the rain. You know run around and get all wet and dripping. Without a care in the world, just let go and be wild for a few minutes...not caring that i may get sick or have to take a warm shower after that or even the fact that my mum would not approve and might think I have gone bonkers. Well right now it is such a tempting thought....I have a big grin on my face!!!

Then I realise how much I have grown and how I think through every action, thought and word before I say or do it. I mean, I even question God, he says this and I have tons of questions before I obey! amazing what happens when we grow. Lord I want that innocence back, where I trust that even in the rains of my life you take care of me.

So I continue to watch the rain fall and it makes me smile, I wonder why. Maybe it's coz I know I will never understand how God is able to create such beauty and still say I was His best creation, with His likeness in mind. Visualise this with me if you will, raindrops from the cloud, forming puddles and water flowing...the change it creates in the atmosphere, the smell of the rain kissing the earth and the earth just drinking it in like it's very life depends on it...ooooooohhhhh....I am officially in Love with the guy who is able to make all that happen. I mean right now the plants are having a field day, I mean my future husband to be (when I meet him) has no excuse for not getting me flowers! He makes all things beautiful!

And after all this my creator created all this for me to enjoy. I'm not sure this is going to make sense or encourage anyone but hey, I was just thinking...

Just Wondering

Hi Princesses!

Today I have a few questions. Have you ever had so much going on around you and then suddenly just stopped and asked yourself where it’s all leading? What does God want from us as women and as individuals? Is it possible to come up with one definition for what a real woman is, or is it something like a journey that you have to keep learning as you go? Are there any struggles that every single woman can empathize with, or do we each have completely unique experiences? ... Maybe a little bit of both? How can you know if you’re doing your level best? Because I don’t think it means we have to be dropping down every day, exhausted, or going on and on like an Energizer Bunny and giving of ourselves until we have no strength left in us to build ourselves.

Just wondering…

Ok, I'll go first. All August I’ve been telling myself I want to start over. A few days into the month, I realized that it’s the 8th month and 8 is the number of new beginnings. That motivated me a little bit. Then people close to me made accusations and implications that shocked me and that motivated me a little more. Finally, after praying and seeking counsel, I was convinced that getting a fresh start was the thing to do. I am now trying to make the necessary baby steps…

But starting over is so hard! There are so many things about my life right now that are really comfortable, and I normally don’t like it when things are disrupted in ways I can’t control. I like change, but only when I’m the initiator. That's why it's easy for me to change up my room or apartment but I struggle to deal with some new system my school or workplace suddenly springs on everyone. Sudden, unexpected change is almost like when I’m sitting on a couch watching a show or talking to someone. It’s nice and comfortable and I’ve warmed my seat so wonderfully (I know, the idea of a warm couch in this August heat is not the business but flow with me here!) and then I decide to get a drink. When I get back to the couch, I can’t remember the exact way I was sitting and I have to work on getting comfortable again! For me that can be so irritating.

Starting over is infinitely more difficult than trying to regain your comfort on a couch you got up from. There are no guarantees that you’ll get the same couch or one like it. The fresh start is not the problem. It’s tearing myself away from the familiar and preparing to face the discomfort that is the problem. Newness can be good if you want it but sometimes even then, there are so many questions. I’m moving on faith – leaving things behind that I thought I’d be going on with for years. The words, “To a land that I will show you” have been playing over and over in my mind for days now. For someone who loves to be in the know about what goes on in her life, that can be asking too much, but is there really any price too high to pay for the sake of my peace and a better walk?

What’s familiar isn’t always what’s best. And if I keep living in my past, I can’t receive the good things God has for me in the future. Right now my past feels like an intriguing movie that I can’t take my eyes away from. I have made so many mistakes, but righteousness isn’t about falling. Everyone falls. Those who don’t are hypocrites. Righteousness is about refusing to sit in the mud, and getting back up again even if it means seven times.

I think two months is sufficient grieving over an ended relationship. I can’t stagnate. It’s not the end of the world, and I’ve had to accept that I was not seen or appreciated for who I was. I have missed the mark, but I know where I went wrong and I’m willing to try again. Knowing how much it hurts to carelessly toss away something that you have prayed earnestly for is enough motivation for me to appreciate the gifts that God has given me.

Who Goes First?

May God bless this blog and its writers,
May the entries edify the people He has appointed to be touched by it,
May everyone who shares be blessed in their giving,
May we one day look back and thank Him for the distance we've covered...
And may Jesus get the glory for everything.
In Jesus' Name I pray,
Amen.

"He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake." - Psalm 23:3.

"And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it." - Psalm 90:17.